How do you know you have a perfectionist personality? I know I have the perfectionist personality, I am not proud to admit that but we can’t help who we are.
WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS?
- Low self-esteem
- Fear of Failure
- Acritical eye
- All-or-nothing thinking
- Unrealistic Standards
- Focused on results
I procrastinate on laundry, and dishes, those have to be my most significant procrastination areas. It’s not that I hate doing it, it’s a fact of how long it takes to do it. Laundry takes 2 1/2 hrs. (that includes wash, dry and fold for laundry). Dishes take 1 1/2 hrs (and that includes everything in the dishwasher washing and put away).
Sure half the time, I’m not doing any of the work, but once I’m done with all the other housework, I want to be done. I don’t want to feel like I still have chores to do. The common symptoms of this are perfection paralysis. This can stop us for days from completing a task.
FINDING YOUR WHY FOR PERFECTIONIST PERSONALITY
Finding our why of perfectionism is key to how we can change our ways. Of course, it won’t be easy, but you can plan your defense mechanism. We need to find the root of our problem, when did this all start and why. For some of us, that question will be hard to answer, and for others, you will know exactly.
Society is probably the number one key to what puts the most pressure on excelling and achieving. There are always competitions in the workplace. For example, there is an opening for an assistant manager, there will be about ten people who will be competing for the job. But in reality, it all comes down to how you have previously worked, not the final days from when you first hear and applied for the job.
Another example is you might have grown up in a home where perfection was key. Everything must be in order and perfect nothing is allowed to be out of place. You had a strict cleaning schedule before you went to school, and when you came home.
Are you not able to meet your spouse’s needs? They have an idea of how things are supposed to be and you are never able to meet there needs? Nothing you do is right? We all have been there and what do we do? Try harder, try and be perfect ben when in reality we keep failing.
We all have had one of these issues if not more in some type of form or another. If you had a track coach that was relentless and just kept pushing and pushing you because you were the star of the team. You have different standards than everyone else because you win all the matches in all the relays. Just like that coach pushing you until you can’t physically do anymore your inner coach for yourself is the same way. You are your own bully and you will never stop until you realize it and make a change.
HOW TO OVERCOME PERFECTIONISM?
You first need to understand that perfectionism is literally a figment of your imagination. Because it’s what you believe things should be or be like. You are always worried about the end goal and if you will fail.
Next would be you realizing your inner coach and how you treat yourself. You need to forget about the all-or-nothing mentality. Since that leads to procrastination and laziness.
You need to get rid of everyone who holds you back and is a nuisance in your life. Get rid of all the toxic people. Once you do you will realize how much better off you are and how much better you feel.
If you can’t get rid of all the toxic relationships in your life, spouses, family, friends, bosses, co-workers, etc. then distance yourself as much as possible and work on yourself.
You need to praise yourself for all your accomplishments, the little contributions you have made in your community or work life. Just focus on the positives and know you can’t have complete control over everything.
One of my bosses use to say strive for progression, not perfection because otherwise, you will never move onto another task.
MAKING A PLAN
As I always say you need to plan everything out, and if you don’t write it down it won’t come true. So start off by writing down your goals.
For example: GOAL # 1: I will do the dishes while my son waits on the bus. (Ths way I have limited time to get everything done)
GOAL #2: I will put a load of laundry in the washer as soon as I get up. (by the time my son gets on the bus I can put the load in the dryer).By planning this way everything gets done around the same time all the other house chores are finished.
By the time its breakfast, I’m putting away the dishes and making room for the dirty ones. By the time breakfast is over I can start putting away the laundry.
REMEMBER TIMING IS EVERYTHING!
Have confidence in yourself that you will accelerate and get all your tasks accomplished. Anytime you get negative feelings if you failed to think about the process that got you to this point and then change things around, by trying another approach. It’s ok to fail, it’s sometimes the only way you will learn. In reality, failure can be a good thing.
Acknowledging you are making progress not only will help you move forward but it will also make you recognize your accomplishments more.
Starting with baby steps is what will help you succeed. You don’t want to go all at it at once because then you will fail. You need to understand what you accomplish, recognize how you accomplished that task and how you can do it again.
Never compare yourself to others. This is one thing everyone has a hard time doing. There will always be something we want that someone else has. But you are who you are and you need to love yourself for who you become. Do not dwell on the past only move forward and know you can do this.
STRATEGIES TO MOVE FORARD
Make inspirational sayings to your self on a post-it and put it on your bathroom mirror, your front door, your office, etc. Anywhere you see first, second, and last.
For example, First thing usually when you wake up you will go to the bathroom. I would have a post-it saying “You got this, you’re a winner” This is motivating and positive
The second-place you would see typically would be the kitchen/ I would have a post-it on the fridge saying “You are brave, strong, smart, and beautiful” This way I’m happy and energized to continue your day.
The ultimate quote I go by is “If it doesn’t challenge you then it doesn’t change you” This would be my third quote that would be on the front door and the last thing on my mind after leaving the house.
Always take a deep breath when you feel overwhelmed and in your head say “I can do this, I got this!” Set a timer for your task as well if you want to play with your children because you have not been for a while, set a timer for 15 min.
Are you paralyzed on cleaning out your fish tank because it takes forever and its messy?
Set a timer for 30 min. If you work in retail set a timer for each task and add the time you spend with customers to the timer to get it finished. Delegate all your tasks, set timers, and make sure you do the most important tasks first and your least important last.
As the shoe company, Nike always says “Just Do It” that’s the mentality you need to have.
Celebrate everything you do, no matter how small or large your accomplishment is. Reward yourself by doing something fun at the gym like Zumba or boxing classes. Buy yourself some flowers, or grab some wine with your significant other.
It is incredibly important to reward yourself even if you celebrate by yourself by watching a favorite movie or sending your child to there grandparents for the night. Just do something for yourself that makes you happy.
Remember, progress is not perfection. Find a system that works for you by setting tiny goals and implementing them or changing them around if it doesn’t work. Don’t criticize yourself or judge yourself. Nothing negative, only positive vibes. “just do it” jump in and do it. Don’t worry about being perfect because it is an illusion. Implement all these tips and you will be able to accomplish everything. You just need to find out what works for you and testing out different systems is the way to do that.